Babe Watch

Hahaha my friend told me a similar joke about a dumb couple. Now I can tell him this! Use your imagination a bit, ok?!? :p

This guy is standing outside on his balcony on the 5th floor of his apartment when he spots this gorgeous babe sunbathing on the 3rd floor balcony wearing the skimpiest bathing suit he's ever seen.

He watches her for 3 days straight, and can't stand it any longer.

He sends down a note on a piece of string: ''If you want me to make love to you please pull on the string once. If not please pull slowly 20 times and then faster another 10."

Pressing The Doorbell

This is funny. People say priests are not "street smart" and it's the truth!

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to
reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and
asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

It's Warm and It's Moist

This is really funny. Grossy humour. Don't read this if you just ate! Yucky! Don't say I didn't warn you!

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

4 Nuns Watching TV

This is funny, but your gotta get the joke! 18SX :p :p :p

4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV.

The first one said she wanted to watch the INDY 500.

The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels on WWF.

The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she can knit some mittens for the kitchen.

The fourth nun said she wanted to watch the discovery channel on how a baby is born.

After some discussion, they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch the same things.

This is what is sounded like:
And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...Out...In...Out...and
yes, the baby is born!

Drunkard's Confession

This one is really funny.

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.

The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.

The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."

The drunk thought he was in the toilet!

Miracle Bra Alternative

My god, this really made me laugh out loud. The punchline is at the bottom but don't scroll down!!

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts."How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts
everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks.

The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"