A Drunk In The Toilet

I needed a good laugh this week and went looking for funny jokes on the web to cheer myself up. It's not easy to make my laugh because my pet died a couple of days ago but this one is rather funny.

I know there are quite a few drunk jokes but I guess when one is drunk, anything could possibly happen!

Tell me what you think of this joke. Is it funny enough for you?

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."

The bartender opens the door and looks in.

"You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

What A FART!

I read that blog readers love reading blog posts in list form. So today I have found a joke that is in list form! LOL. Today's joke, which I found on Rate Gag asks, what kind of farter are you. After reading this list, I have identified the kind of farter I am, but I am not telling! Hey, everyone farts, right?

Not only that, I personally know of dishonest farters who blamed their dog for farting and strategic farters who not only concealed their farts with fake coughs, but also shift furniture right at the point of farting so that no one could hear the fart. Hahaha!

Vain: You love the smell of your own farts.

Amiable: You love the smell of other people's farts.

Proud: You think your farts are exceptionally fine.

Shy: You release silent farts and then blush.

Impudent: You boldly fart out loud and then laugh.

Unfortunate: You try really hard to fart, but you poop instead.

Scientific: You fart regularly but you're concerned about pollution.

Nervous: You stop in the middle of your fart.

Honest: You admit that you farted but offer good medical reasons.

Dishonest: You fart and then blame the dog.

Foolish: You suppress your farts for hours.

Thrifty: You always keep a couple of good farts in reserve.

Anti-Social: When the need arises, you excuse yourself from the room and fart in private.

Strategic: You fart and then conceal it with loud coughing.

Sadistic: You fart in bed and then pull the cover up over your partner's head.

Intellectual: You can determine from the smell of any fart exactly what food item had been consumed.

Athletic: You fart at the slightest exertion.

Miserable: You would love to let one out, but you are unable to fart.

Sensitive: You fart and then start crying.