What is the thinnest book in the world?
- What men know about women.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- One ... men will screw anything.

How does a man take a bubble bath?
- He eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
- Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
- A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
- If he's breathing.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
- Bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning?
- Take your foot off his head.

What do men and beer have in common?
- They're both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
- Who cares?

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
- We don't know ... it never happens.

How are men and parking spots alike?
- The good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped.

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
- Lifting his feet so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between men and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
- A hot dog and a six pack.

Why does a man have a hole in his penis?
- So he can be open minded.