Guy Does The Laundry

I have read this gender joke about a guy doing his laundry, or a variation of this, quite a few times. However, each time, it is still able to bring a smile to my face. I don't know why I could forget the punch line every single time! Maybe I have an ultra short memory.

Anyway, you know about all those dumb blonde jokes? This guy must have been a blond too!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

Male / Female Translations

I really love reading jokes that show the vast difference between the minds of men and women. Yes, I agree that women are way more complex than men. That's why we have best sellers like "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."

Here's a joke that I believe has been circulated to death but it is still just as funny every time!

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male......... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male…... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male…... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male........ A source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.

7 REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male….... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND...

He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said: That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said: We don't know; it has never happened.

He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

30 Advantages of Being A Woman

I always felt that it is a disadvantage to be a woman. I feel that being a man comes with more freedom and choices to do what we want to do in life. A woman, especially an Asian woman, meanwhile, has a host of restrictions in life that curbs her lifestyle and ambitions. Of course, I cannot say the same for ALL women but I am sure I am not the only one to feel so.

This evening, I stumbled upon a list of thirty points detailing why it is better to be a woman. Do you know why? I guess we can never compare because we are either a man or a woman and not both at the same time. Now, that would be freaky!

Check out the list of advantages of being a woman RIGHT HERE. My personal favourite would be:

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

HHhmmm I always thought that guys love touching their family jewels because of itch. Guess not!

How To Impress

I apologize for not updating as regularly as I should. I try to back date to make up for the slack. I've been so busy blogging since I have more than ten blogs to take care of.

Although I write paid posts almost daily, this is my passion blog and I come here to relieve stress.

Here's a joke I found rather funny, funny because it's true!

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

Women's "English"

I LOVE this! All guys should keep these in their heads to understand women better because women do not always speak in full sentences HAHAHA.

You probably read this many times already, but there's no harm in getting a refreshers course!

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.

"Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset you moron.

"We need to talk" = I need to complain.

"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper, etc...

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he falls asleep

Answering the question, "What's wrong?"
"...The same old thing" = Nothing

"...Everything" = My PMS is acting up

"...Nothing, really" = It's just that you're such a jerk

Men vs. Women ~ Who's Smarter?

Of course women :-)

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman.

Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Understanding Men & Women

Read this and all of us will be a lot happier!

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

10 Downfalls Of Manhood

haha Anyone wanna add more?

1. You have to take out the garbage.

2. The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.

3. No sofas in your rest rooms.

4. External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.

5. Even if you get your head caught in an industrial woodchipper, you're not allowed to cry.

6. James Bond movies only come out every two years.

7. Ribbed for her pleasure, not yours.

8. You have to wear ties.

9. You can't flirt your way out of a jam.

10. "Women and children first".

Dumb Men Jokes

Let's take a dig at men :-p

What is the thinnest book in the world?
- What men know about women.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- One ... men will screw anything.

How does a man take a bubble bath?
- He eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
- Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
- A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
- If he's breathing.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
- Bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning?
- Take your foot off his head.

What do men and beer have in common?
- They're both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
- Who cares?

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
- We don't know ... it never happens.

How are men and parking spots alike?
- The good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped.

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
- Lifting his feet so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between men and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
- A hot dog and a six pack.

Why does a man have a hole in his penis?
- So he can be open minded.

The Perfect Couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

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The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...
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So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

Moods of the Sexes

Such a vast difference

Moods of a Woman
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

Moods of a Man
Horny.

The Perfect Day

This is a joke, but it's really not far off the mark.

The Perfect Day - Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day - Him

6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep