Sex Sandals

While searching the web for sex scandal photos of Edison Chen and Jolin Tsai, I stumbled upon this joke and i JUST HAD to copy it here on my blog. This joke was taken from FunnyandJokes.com, one of my favourite jokes site.

My eyes played a trick on me by reading Scandal instead of Sandal... LOL

A couple walked into a tourist shop in Jamaica. The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. “Dey makes you wild at sex.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, Mon.” So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, “You got dem on the de wrong feet man! You got dem on de wrong feet!”

This one is good isn't it? Sometimes, I really miss jokes that can make me laugh out loud. And after a hard day's work you just need to read something like this!

What Is The Most Painful Part of A Sex Change Operation?

I just came across this joke and it is damn funny. Well, do you know what the most painful part of a sex change operation is? I thought I knew but this joke has a very funny twist. Something that I did not expect at all, though it is very true!

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed.

After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about baseball?"

She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process.

"What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT off?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"Was it when they cut off your balls?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"What was the most painful part?"

"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"

Bang! Bang!

This is the first time I read this joke. Haha quite funny.

One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor. The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself." So he went out and bought a starter pistol.

When he got home, his wife was naked in bed, ready for him, so they got in the 69 position and started at it. Soon he felt the urge to shoot his load, so he fired the pistol.

The next day he went to the doctor. The doctor asked him how it went. He said, "Not too good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, shit in my face, and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands up."

The Pen|s & the Potato

This is one of the funniest Q & A joke.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pen!s and a potato?
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A: A dicktator

How To Make Your C*** Longer (Part 2)

This is a continuation. Please read Part 1 first.

Young Man: Blardy hell Ah Pek! You really take me to Holland lah.

Ah Pek: Why…? What happened?

Young Man: Nyah Ma.. you tell me use vacuum cleaner suck my ku ku chiao can make it longer? Where can?! I try 3 days already also never see got get long? Now my ku ku chiao very painful. Want to ta fei kei also cannot.

Ah Pek: Kakakaaaakkaaa…….. yes meh?? Aiyo 3 days only what. Where got so fast one? Must wait 3 months lah.

Young Man: Huh, 3 months… 3 months my ku ku chiao also drop off already I think. You really big cannon lah.

Ah Pek: I big cannon you for what….?

Young Man: If not why my ku ku chiao so painful one?

Ah Pek: How high you turn your vacuum cleaner?

Young Man: No. 3 lah. Top speed.

Ah Pek: Haiyooo.. where can like that. Must slow slow lah. You one shot wan to suck it long long where can? Use no.1 lah.

Young Man: Oooh… like that one ah. Barger, don bluff me again you know.

Ah Pek: Haiyoo..told you before I don simply bluff people one what.

Young Man: Ei, Ah Pek, Ah Pek, my class hor, got one very beautiful girl you know, but everytime I see her also I very shy to talk to her lah. Can teach me how to tackle her ah?

Ah Pek: Last time you told me you like Mat salleh only?

Young Man: Yalah.. but this girl very hot wor, ta fei kei also I think of herlah!

Ah Pek: Oh, like that means you wan to fark her only lah. Not because she very good or anything lah. Aiyaa.. very easy what. Ask her nicely lor.

Young Man: How nicely?

Ah Pek: Tomorrow morning when you meet her in school that time, just go up and ask “May I fark you please…?” You ask nicely like that hor, she sure give you one lah.

How To Make Your C*** Longer (Part 1)

This one's written by someone by the ID Carimakan. It's hilarious!

Young Man: Ah Pek, you very experience, can tell me something ah? My cock very short lah. How to make it longer?

Ah Pek: Haiyah,, young man, you wan your cock so long for what? You think the chee bai got so deep meh?

Young Man: Nolah.. I see in the video hor, all the matsalleh got long long cock one. My one only 4 inches, next time how to make my wife shiok?

Ah Pek: chinese cock got 4 inches enough already what. Chinese chee bai also about 4 inches deep only one. Don worry lah.

Young Man: Then if I wan to marry mat salleh how? 4 inches where got enough? Please lah, teach me lah.

Ah Pek: Waaa… wan to marry Mat salleh somemore. You can kau tim or not? Mat Salleh very hungry one you know. One night 3 times also not enough. You can tahan ah?

Young Man: Eeei, no problem lah. 5 times also can. Scared not long enough only.

Ah Pek: Hmmm.. like that hor. Ok, you go home, use your mother’s vacumn cleaner and suck you ku ku chiao for 5 minutes every morning. After 3 months sure tambah 2 inches one.

Young Man: Like that also can meh? Don’t bluff me wor.

Ah Pek: Nolah, Ah Pek where got simply bluff people one.

Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

Here are twenty reasons, do you need more?

1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good

"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

She also tells them that there will be no excuse for failing to show up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room pipes up and asks the teacher out loud, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class has all it can do keep from breaking up, being barely able to stifle its laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "You can write with your other hand then."