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I was surfing the internet looking for some blog topics when I thought I would go and check out jokes for my joke blog. The morning can be SO boring sometimes, don't you agree? That's why a good joke would certainly cheer us up!
So here is one joke with a very logical answer that just makes one laugh because it is too straightforward! Here goes: [enjoy!]A guy tells his psychiatrist:
It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me?
"Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn't get your telegram."
I wonder why people love making fun of blondes. Are they so klutzy that their life seems like a joke?
In my old school days, I remember that I do not have a blonde friend but a friend who has "fake" blonde color as her hair.
Read this and let me know if it is funny enough for you!One day a brunnete was driving home from work, as she got out of the car she heard her blonde neighbor crying.
"Oh my god what wrong?" the brunnete asked. "My mother just died!" said the blonde crying out. The brunnete feeling sorry for the blonde comforted her for the whole day.
The next day the brunette saw the blonde crying outside. "Now what the hell is wrong?!" said the brunnete.
"Ohh, it's terrible...my sister called, and her mother died too!"
I've been facing so much computer and internet connectivity problems lately that I decided to check on the web for funny computer humour to cheer myself up. Boy, are there lots, though some are not that funny!
People say, computer troubles are the bane of modern existence but what could we do? We have to live with technology, no matter how badly they work sometimes.
Here's a funny list of Computer Acronyms that would tickle your funny bone. Enjoy!PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI: System Can't See It
DOS: Defective Operating System
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW: World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
RISC: Reduced Into Silly Code
More computer jokes could be read here.
This joke has been classified as an adult joke but it is not really that. I guess it is because of the word SEX. This is a very logical joke, though, so enjoy!
As always, do let me know if you like it!A guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There`s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness.
That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I`ve got the wife on American beer!"
Here’s a “joke” which I guess will not be such a joke, but rather a nightmare, for men should it really happen. Hah that would be funny! And if this is real, it surely would not be the end of the “joke”.
I purposely searched for a joke about pregnancy as my friend just informed me that she is pregnant AGAIN! Her first baby is only seven months old and her second baby will be due in seven months’ time!
Anyway, I hope that you will enjoy today’s joke! There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".
I have been feeling down lately since the loss of a wonderful pet. I know it has been a month already but still, I miss him a lot.
So I decided to look for funny pet jokes to see if there's any that could make me laugh. And yes, this funny cat joke from Ruling Cats and Dogs did the trick.
By the way, Ruling Cats and Dogs is a cat and dog pet website that I visit sometimes. If you love cats or dogs, check them out.Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked.
"A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered.
"What for?"
"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them."
"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle.
Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."
Gosh, it surely has been a looong while since I have read a good funny joke! I have been depressive after my beloved dog died and have slacked in my blogging too. Anyway, I hope to improve my pace in updating my blogs this month.
So here's a funny joke that has a serious theme. I know that many guys shit in their pants when it comes to dating a girl who still lives with her family. LOL If your girlfriend is such a girl, this joke "10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter" will tell you what the girlfriend's father did not tell you outright.Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
This funny joke was copied from Funny Humor. Did you enjoy it? tee hee!
