30 Advantages of Being A Woman

I always felt that it is a disadvantage to be a woman. I feel that being a man comes with more freedom and choices to do what we want to do in life. A woman, especially an Asian woman, meanwhile, has a host of restrictions in life that curbs her lifestyle and ambitions. Of course, I cannot say the same for ALL women but I am sure I am not the only one to feel so.

This evening, I stumbled upon a list of thirty points detailing why it is better to be a woman. Do you know why? I guess we can never compare because we are either a man or a woman and not both at the same time. Now, that would be freaky!

Check out the list of advantages of being a woman RIGHT HERE. My personal favourite would be:

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

HHhmmm I always thought that guys love touching their family jewels because of itch. Guess not!

70 Ways To Keep A Woman Happy

This is short and witty. I don't know about others BUT .... I sure need more than 70 ways to keep me happy!

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69.

We'll Never Forget You!

This one I never read before but jokes that are outrageous like this are hard to relate to la, right?

Two women are walking home after a night out with the girls.

They are very drunk and as the walk home was taking longer than expected,

find themselves desperate for a wee.

As they are passing a church with a graveyard,

they decide to go and relieve themselves behind the headstones.

As they finish, they both realise they have nothing to wipe themselves with.

The first woman decides to use her knickers and throw them away afterwards,

which is what she does.

The second is wearing expensive underwear and doesn't want to lose it,

but notices a grave behind her that is very recent and still has flowers all over it.

One of these is a very lavish bunch tied together with thick, expensive ribbon.

'Just the job' she decides, and reaches over, drags the flowers towards her,

and uses the ribbon.

Their task completed, they continue staggering home.

Next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second.

"We need to keep an eye on our wives.

Mine came home with no knickers on last night!"

"You think you've got problems!" exclaims the second husband.

"My wife came home with a card stuck up her arse that said

'We'll never forget you - from all the lads at the fire station'!"

Dumb & Dumber

I read this a few times already and yet it does not fail to make me laugh! Old jokes are sometimes better.

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it? God says "no" and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she has another 30-40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?"

God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."

Chinese Laundry

LOL I personally think it's rude to have other people clean your own lingerie, even if it's paid service.

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it came back there were still stains in her panties.

The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that says, "Use more soap on panties."

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties."

Finally fed up, the Chinese man responded with his own note that said," Use more paper on ass."

Women's "English"

I LOVE this! All guys should keep these in their heads to understand women better because women do not always speak in full sentences HAHAHA.

You probably read this many times already, but there's no harm in getting a refreshers course!

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.

"Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset you moron.

"We need to talk" = I need to complain.

"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper, etc...

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he falls asleep

Answering the question, "What's wrong?"
"...The same old thing" = Nothing

"...Everything" = My PMS is acting up

"...Nothing, really" = It's just that you're such a jerk

Living Will

Too funny to NOT pass along!

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "Honey, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug ok?"

She nodded, got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.